Author: Bhavik Sarkhedi

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It was still dawn when I stepped out of the cab and walked towards the entry gate of the Delhi airport. The early morning February air was pleasantly cold.

I was travelling to Bengaluru to attend a college friend’s wedding. It had been four years since we graduated from the same college. This wedding was also going to be a reunion of our batchmates. But what I didn’t know was that the reunion would begin much ahead of time; right in the queue in front of the airline counter.

I was almost sure it was she. Same height! Same long hair! Same complexion! Curiosity had my eyes glued to her. And then about 60-odd seconds later, when she turned, she proved me right. My ex-girlfriend stood two places ahead of me in that queue. We had never met after the college farewell.

Suddenly announced Flight Delhi-Bengaluru is delayed for 2 hours. Everybody exclaimed, “Oh Shit!” But I was like “Oh Yes!”

They were struck panic and unusualness prevailed among them, she was obviously the one among them. She came to me and said “Oh my God, Bhusan!”

Her voice was same I reckon and went low before she could speak more. I felt nostalgic to the euphony of her coquettish looks. I knew that she must be reminded of what happened at the college farewell. I asked her without wasting a second, “Are you going in Sushant’s wedding?” She replied affirmatively.

The more I was overwhelmed the less she seemed enthusiastic. It was obvious as she married just after the graduation and our sudden break up absolutely changed my life. To my surprise, she said, “Let’s go grab a cup of hot coffee nearby.” I smirked and there was no chance I could resist to that favor. I started following her and midway called a boy of age 5 to pinch me & when he did it, I howled, ”Ah, it’s real!” She turned back and said, “Yes, it’s real, now come on.”

She didn’t obviously miss me as she was happy with her hubby Parthik. Parthik, tall and smart, kind hearted and wise, loving and benefactor, was a gentlemen and a dream guy for any girl. He came from nowhere and demolished my destiny and screwed me up. Before I could say anything, she looked at me saying, “Oh I know whenever you get confused you don’t have words right, Mr.author? Or should I say ‘Script Writer’ or other designations you have been honored with recently?”

I was stunned as I felt like she had been observing my life since last 4 years. I felt relaxed when she put her hand on my shoulder. I, then taunted, “Durga, do you recall how dumb I was when I entered into the college?”

“Yea, your roll no.6 proved to be the curse for you to add insult to your injury as you were called Mr. Six….”

“SHHHHH”, I interrupted her “Ya, ya, I know that, it was not a big deal, you should remember that because this was the only thing that led to  …”

“Ok Ok..” she stopped me by placing her finger on my lips. She kept quiet as she exactly knew what I was feeling at that time.

The 10-sec weird pause was broken when I busted laughing and repeating “69, 69, 69..”

She started tapping repeatedly on my elbow with the paper she had in her left hand. Yes her roll no was 9 and the comely jetpur girl was teased with me as the weirdest sexual position. I was slowly commemorating our anecdotes of our college. In fact, she too was dumb as I was but having fair complexion, she somehow managed to allure couple of boys from my class. The 69 was more famous when once the class came to know that we both were from the same town. Unluckily, I too knew that fact the same day. I obviously didn’t like her there was something in her that was pushing me to her.

“Wake up, Bhusan! What are you thinking again and again? Do you still remember everything?”

“Well, I can write another book on it”

I cracked a joke that was certainly redundant at that moment.

She curiously asked, “Hey, how’s your novel ‘Will You walk a mile?’ performed?”

I said,” It flopped like the first one ‘The Weak Point Dealer’; it was obvious.”

“Oh bla bla, Mr. Pessimist, I know your empathy shut up. I shouldn’t have asked you that question.”

“I remember each and every bit of the college instants from the moment I hold your hands when I got dare in the class to your eye twitching prank you did to me as your revenge. I was neither a miser nor a spendthrift but I bought enough gifts for you”, I confidently assured her my memories.

“Of course, the only reason you were affable to me was to come close my friends: Aditi, Nidhi, Shrea…”

“Khusbu, Jahnvi, Pooja,.. “

“Outta buoy, now Mr. Writer is talking. Well, now am I gonna be the victim of your boring philosophy?”, she quirked.

“Yes, you will have to tolerate it, jaadi (fat girl)”, I teased.

She went angry and grinned her face, saying, “I don’t want to listen anything.”

Yes I was an admirer of ontology and a typical philosopher in my college. The only talent I grabbed from my father. His ‘Reality of Life’ theory had an epic length when he taught me which included worldly affairs, emotions and morals. It lasted till I left home in 2004 for higher education.

“Hey jaadi, I impressed you with my philosophy. Remember the elocution speech I gave on Anna Hazzare?”

“Ya, students booed you.”

“Obviously, but someone got impressed, I guess.”

That’s right. I impressed her like anything as Durga had been devoid of father’s love in her childhood and adolescence. She craved for that love, care and sentimental words which usually is fulfilled by father but he, being orthodox and conservative, couldn’t satisfy her daughter’s need to nurture her effectively. This was the only reason she adored my speech, philosophy and theories I would recite to her.

We started meeting in canteen, library and the only scene people would see would be: An elaborative, boring speaker and a quiet, calm listener. I would be talking and telling fables and chronicles for hours and she would hear it like a baby. It would have morals, life lessons and principles attached to it which she would have to follow and obey accordingly when applicable. She would have to pass the practical tests of mental quotient I would take to eradicate her ochlophobia-the fear of crowd.

Since 69 had chewed and so in the 3^rd year ‘Baap Beti’ was the pen name given to us as we definitely never had any physical relations so we kind of justified the title. We were absolutely pure by heart and soul because just like a father loves her daughter and cares for her, I did the same to her. I had a penchant for her. But she considered me toady at first then my veracity was seen later to which she was attracted to. Yes, I became her Paragon and ‘First Love’. Yes she fell in love with me in the 4^th year. It was too late.

Seeing her texting in the phone, I asked promptly, “‘Is he your husband? Where is he? How is he?”

“You are all same, Bk. Same old possessive. Yes, he will meet me directly at Bengaluru airport. He went to buy a car for us.”

For some reasons, she excused me to go to wash room.  May be, it was time for the tears and I directly went into the flashback of the farewell day. I tried arduous to forget the day but somehow my brain didn’t.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the next contestants are ‘Bhusan and Durga’ for her speech ‘Baap-Beti’”, announced the host.

I still exactly remember it word to word, it was…..

Growing I see you, getting your naïve wings

Nurturing I do you, making your lips sings

I know that I’m your first love

But I fear that you will lose me one odd day

I’ll love you more and more, teach you more again

Till you wings become mature to fly high

Solitary and independent, dauntless and risk-free

From the sky, you will see me waving but

I won’t be able to reach you because you will be with your king

I will be bound by an invincible and invisible ring

I just pray that you don’t fall and you don’t break

I am worried that you might forget me and my lessons

Insentient of whether you will survive or not?

Confused about my ethics and moral I said

Was it right or was it so wrong?

Have I lied about the sinful world?

Or Have I spoke truth about the earthly paradise?

I knew that she would be reciting her part in the washroom with tears rolling in her eyes as….

From the skies, lovely and high

Yes, I remember everything you instructed me

No, I can’t forget anything you taught me

I know you adored me too much and may be

I have left you abandoned apparently

But I’ll be with you and your lessons forever

I promise to obey the principles of good and abysmal

And the unforgettable morals it had

How can I draw a blank on that?

I have got wings and it feels so good to fly

Too high and higher in the sky

With my prince who is loving and endearing

I intuited that you wouldn’t leave me to an unfit hand

He loves me same as you

But I don’t compare because you warned me never to do so

Oh, he too follows me about the things you told me

We feed the dogs and cows in the dawn

Assists the aged to fulfill their needs

Donates to orphanage to assist their necessities

Feel the first rain and rays of the sun

Open window to touch the gentle breeze to my ears

Stops at the long highway to see the horizon

And feel the beauty of nature

The sunsets and as you always recites

Someone is watching us from everywhere

But, yes now I fly alone and independent because

I know the strongest lesson you taught me was ‘Separation’

I murmured her part of the speech on the table waiting for her to come but again went in the flash back of 2010 when everyone applauded our theme song. I couldn’t sigh but kept looking at her holding hand tightly because I knew that that was the realistic poem for me. That day, she completed my dream of becoming famous in college. Without her-the greatest listener, I wouldn’t have flourished and spilled my emotions out.

Everyone shouted, “Baap Beti Rocks, Baap Beti Rocks.”

She thrashed the washroom door and came to me with her eyes red and half soaking, “I remember what you said when I asked you whether to marry Parthik or not, idiot.”

I went to the flash back again when on the last day of farewell she asked me to give the biggest favor of life. She was about to marry a guy but she wasn’t sure of judging him. From the details she gave me and the information that she had, I assured her saying, “Durga, I know that we love each other and our love is different than others. I know that I am hitting an axe on my legs but I think he is the guy I would try to be in the next 4 years. Better not to waste this precious 4 years and go hold his hands.”

I precisely remember that I held my hand on her head, just like a father blesses her daughter that he only wants his angel happy no matter what the circumstances are.

Sawing her tears falling on the table, staring at me speaking something but I was in the middle of 2010 and that day, at an intersection of that day and today. Like I was listening to her but not getting anything what she was actually until she hold my hand and said, “Seriously, Bhusan. I can’t forget your limerick or what you did to me was just unimaginable and I have news for you which only I and Parthik know that I am going to be a mother soon.”

I was neither surprised nor shocked but blur and distorted for a millisecond but before I could say she said, “He is going to be the father you were before 4 years.”

It seemed like my words had taken the form of a sculpture of an angel who was standing near me, who made my journey of life special and now made it more special confessing those lines to me.

The noise came “Passengers of Delhi-Bengaluru are requested to board. This is the last call.”

I asked her seat no. and obviously, she was in the front row while I was in the second last.

“We are not here together too.”

Before I could step down the stairs from the plane, I saw her hugging Parthik and cherishing their love. I remembered the strongest lesson I taught ‘Separation’ was the weakest for me that time. She never looked back after she left me in college neither was she looking at me while I passed near her.

6,69, Baap-Beti, Bk, The Weak Point Dealer, Will you Walk a Mile, Fame, Maturity and the understanding of life was only because of her but she was meant to leave me as per our story and she did. What I forgot was to plot the part of the story after the daughter leaves?

Love took birth from a mystery

It hid or died in some history

We sometimes go with the flow

Many times differs from it

Either way, we are a loser

Going with the flow makes you common

Differing makes you isolated

I decided to abandon the trip further, texted my friend, “Sorry, almost reached to the closest, but had to cut the trip to move away to farthest, hope you understand.” I know that he will definitely understand when he will see both in his marriage.

This sojourn will stay life time as I again failed to reckon the nature of my ontological intuitive principles. She definitely prove to be a pragmatist, I was the one who was quixotic. I failed in deceiving my soul again as my naïve approach has been more disdained. My story was unlike any warrior, or any stud guy of college or a pauper who fell in love with a rich and beautiful girl or any extravagant climax or tragedies; it was just a mere documentary of a realistic view to create a portrayal of a relation which can be quoted as ‘The Reality of Life’

…….Because all love stories doesn’t have girlfriends and boyfriends; some have a father and a daughter.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please give Nitesh a big round of applause for his most ever entertaining deed of life’, yelled Kevin as I entered into the room. “How was your fantasy trip to Mahudi? Did God personally give you the solution of your untold tentative problem? Are you kidding me by coming after whole 2 days? Do you really wish to die? Do you care how much I worry about you?” interrogated Kevin & welcomed me in the most bizarre way. It was 11 pm Saturday and we just went on to bed without any further discussions.

Two days earlier.

“Nitesh, you have the most fluctuating life-cycle I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean it when I keep on saying that you are a pondering inkpot or an impulsive insane. Don’t feel bad but you are becoming more and more tarnishing nature wise”, said Kevin. It was half past seven in the evening twilight when I was worrying about something that couldn’t be unveiled to anyone. Kevin kept on asking me the reason of my tensed pity facial expression I consistently did on that particular day. Kevin, a dancer cum dude, was like a brother to me as I had no real brother. He was a celebrity in ‘St. Francis Engineering College’ as the personality he had would rather slam most of the actors in Hollywood as well. Unfortunately I was his roommate but to my fortune, I found myself at a place where I seldom see random unique things daily after college schedule because he was utilizing his rest of the 8 hours in dancing, preparing for MBA & exercising. He was mind blowing & what should I say more to describe him “He was a born star”. All I did with my 8 hours was just 3 things: Sleep, Eat & Sleep again. Although, he always had a soft corner for me especially, I never understood why a smart dude of 21^st era will even have an old fashioned friend like me.

We were in the same class & completed almost 3 years in the medical college but I was nowhere in any world to secure any job or do anything of my own. I was incessantly falling in my studies & I wasn’t even prepared for any further study plans while Harsh & Sunny were struggling to do something worth for them. Harsh was my hero for humor, a desperate for sex & chocolaty boy for girls. He had only 2 aims in his life: One to do anything for his parents & second to do everything for his parents. The most obedient child any parents can have or even dream about in their dreams. He was my best friend but I wasn’t his. Craving for girl-talks, Footballer by passion & slim as stick, Sunny was a dull shaped mediocre boy who loved only junk food. He will have nothing to talk about except ‘Ronaldo’ & that made Harsh always freaked out as Harsh had no connection with Sports, Television, Traveling or any adventurous thing in life. He and his Whatsapp conversation with girls to ultimately lead him to his ‘S-Destination’ was his eventual elixir. ‘S-Destination’ stood for Sex destination as our code word to make fun of him every now and then.

Thus, the 3-stoogies were my benefactor of life & I often behaved naïve in the group so was an ‘Official Ludicrous’. Harsh & Sunny would be sitting with their dates in college whereas I and Kevin would be just walking around the college campus to pass the leisure time aimlessly. Everyone wondered why Kevin hasn’t got any dates till date & he avoided answering that. I considered it normal as it is a myth in a college to have a relationship partner for fun & those who haven’t will have to do ‘Flying Solo’. In the first 2 years of college, Harsh & Sunny tried to fix double date me & Kevin with some hot girls many times but it proved futile. I myself couldn’t find any zest or chill from my life because I was lame, common but abnormal. Kevin was always a question mark for all of us why he would sit leisure.

That night, I couldn’t sleep because of the malice feelings I had within me. I went out at 1 AM night when Kevin was asleep letting him unaware what situation I was in. I immediately called Sneha to ask her if she was okay but nothing was. She tried cutting her hand veins & continuously spoke of committing suicide. Sneha and I were in relationship from the beginning of our 3^rd year of college. As we were of the same town, it was easy for me to be in genuine contact with her & just before 3 months I proposed her to express my deep true love. Everything was fine until 50 days back when she came to meet me in my room.

“Hey, where the hell are you?” asked Kevin in a very rage voice. “I was not feeling sleepy so I am having some fresh air in the bus to Mahudi”, I answered politely unknown of the drama I had created. “Are you nuts or what? Come back at room & we will discuss about it all. It’s all because of that slut right?” Kevin emphasized his care for me. I hung up the call & then finally switched it off. Sneha asked me who it was but I neglected it saying that it was a wrong number. But she definitely knew that it was either from the three guys. I remember that we had many fights with the same ’Kevin’ topic as I wouldn’t go to meet her because I would have some plans with him. She often misinterpreted by saying ’You always choose him over me’. We stayed 2 full days in Mahudi for peace & to resolve the trouble we were in. I had been visiting Mahudi every year with my parents as it was my father’s favorite destination in summer. It has got the scenic natural beauty & soothing atmosphere which made him feel stress-free. Of course, his own blood would be like him and yes, I am a philosopher like him too who knows the bitter fact of life. All we talked about when we get ‘us’ time was philosophy as my father knew that I am an adult now & aware about the worldly affairs.

“Did you consult any doctor or tested with a pregnancy strip?” I asked her finally breaking the silence between us in the morning. But she was expressionless saying “Yes, I did but it’s too early to come to a conclusion. I have 30 day menstruation cycle but it’s been 45 days now & I know that it’s because of the cult we did that evening. We did some serious sinister stuff.” I tried to stop say all those shitty things but she screamed embracing me. I was distressed & so I went on to the place alone where my father took me often when my mother would be busy worshipping God whole heartedly with my sister Rita. He used to say “I know that God exists, son. But I want you to know that I am not a narcissist as I believe in humanity and karma. I have faith in the power of eternity but I consider that there is no face of God. All I do to satisfy me is by feeding poor, donating the needy one & helping those who crave for any support. I wish that you could at least follow the right path of life understanding the difference between virtual reality and actual reality. Always accept the situations and conditions God put us in.” He often took me to his fairyland childhood when he used to be the most notorious in the society. I visualize & repent listening to that because I had not done anything memorable in my life but playing guitar to console my soul & satisfy my conscience. He added “Our life is short and sensitive so spend it wisely on something that gives you bliss. Many a times, it will be considered selfish but all it takes is a firm decision. I know that you are totally different from me as I see you scoring high & studying engineering but I am a 9^th fail. Our thinking is different as we have a generation gap that makes an impact.” Well, my father never recognized my inner feelings as I too wanted to be a guitarist but I could never reveal it because I thought that it could only happen in movies like ‘3 idiots’. He seems to prolong the conservation every time with the last lines “You are different, son. It’s okay not to be normal. The inception inside you is intriguing. You ought to be the janitor of your soul and conscience. When you feel doubt on yourself, just reverse the count ten, nine, eight..as it would take you in all the elite cum exigent memories of your life.” I never understood those mythical, spiritual or provocative lines.

Near the small lake, I closed my eyes tried to swallow the bad things I did to her but I couldn’t as I only wanted her to be saved from my sin. It was a mutual act albeit I could have resisted that evening when she came to my room. Though I was alone, I should have not seduced her to make an intimacy with me. We weren’t mature enough to commit any such deeds & I cried loud enough to let my guilt come out praying to God “If she’s pregnant, I will accept her though against this cruel society. I won’t leave her alone in her hard times. Suddenly, Sneha touched me on my shoulders & smiled saying “I knew that you will be sitting somewhere here. See I am totally unknown to this place & here I am with you, for you. Don’t blame yourself as it was a mistake of both. We will handle it but…” Surprisingly, it was just like my mother catching father from behind exclaiming the same & will request to come to the temple for some time. My father will always respect her worship and faith to God & join my mother to her devotion. So, similarly she just took half of my tension saying those words like my mother.

“You know, I frequently compared our pair with my parents as there is so much similarity between you and my mother. She likes you, you know that right. Don’t worry, it will be all okay.” I always felt under estimated for myself when I remember being so numb until I entered in College. I was the most innocent guy in my class like I hadn’t seen any porn until then, didn’t have any drink or a bad habit of smoking. “What I have done to my life doing the most insane thing with Sneha?” I felt as I was a criminal. I couldn’t figure out how and why the ill deed happened. Friends used to call me ’Psycho’ as according to them, I began behaving like a psychopath from the moment I was in relationship with  Sneha. Whenever I would have a fight with her, I would throw my stuffs around me & break them like some crazy prisoner from Agra. “Am I normal now?” I keep asking this question to me but I never got any answers. The reason was that Sneha loved my passion for guitar & adored the philosophy I preached to her. She was the only girl who understood my zest for life. But then I see me in the middle of an ocean of love where every guy and girl feels the same. I didn’t want to be that guy who knows nothing but love. Because she was the first and the last girl in my life with whom I have been over friendly yet I was significantly timid about it. I sometimes ask myself “Have I really loved Sneha?”

Sunday morning, I didn’t realize that I would get the good news so early & say loudly “Yes, she’s not pregnant.” And Kevin was stunned hearing that sarcastic statement that pinched him so badly that he didn’t even reacted to me. I neglected his expression & called Sneha how happy I am for us. She slammed the phone saying “Come to me now, I want to see you in five minutes; it is urgent.” I just couldn’t figure out the reaction of Kevin and Sneha simultaneously so I decided to go one by one. Before I could say anything to Kevin, he smirked and said “Thank God, you aren’t Gay. It’s obvious that you had sex with her. It was so clear, my God but I am the one who is dumb thinking that you are homosexual. The only reason why I didn’t confess till now was because I thought that you are in the contemporary world of love with Sneha. You always had a fight in a week with her, right? You often asked me the reason and I guess that it’s all transparent now.” I was appalled and perplexed with Kevin’s whimsical confession but I remembered two things at that time: one was papa’s mysterious last line and the other was to see Sneha urgently as 3 minutes had passed from the time she called. There was a constant but strange 4 second eye contact between me and Kevin.

But anyhow, I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. “Ten, nine, eight, and seven…”

And one by one, I got the answers of all the questions which unfolded the euphemism of Kevin. I realized why Papa told me those lines, why my mother prayed infinitesimally for no reason,  why Kevin was never in a relationship & why Sneha had I always fight for almost nothing.

I was in no hurry to meet Sneha anymore and after a long 10 minutes, a text saying “I don’t know why but our relationship doesn’t have a future. I am breaking up with you. Sorry, bye.” I couldn’t stop laughing loudly in my room devoid of ‘Kevin’ ultimately knowing the reason why ‘They called me Psycho.’