With her the lines were blurred
I can hold her hand but I can’t kiss her cheeks
She laughed with me
She cried on my shoulder
But my tears were not for her to see
She talked with me all night long
She called and I picked
Even when my heart was racing just by looking at her smile
She didn’t see it
My eyes which said all I wanted and she looked away
She was the only constant in my changing life
Years and years she held me
Years over years she tormented me
I saw her turn her back on me
And her coming back to me
She clung to me as if I was her life line
But she never said what I was to her
She smiled at me
She held my hand
But she never said what it meant
I kept waiting
And years after years she is still here
Beside me playing with me over and over again
I am still her to keep
But I don’t know what she is to me
I want to keep her by my side in any way I can
So I have her by my side but so far away
I can see her but can’t touch her
I still make her laugh and see the crinkling of her eyes
I still spend night just looking at her when she is sound asleep
She snores a little with her mouth little open
I tell her every night how much she means to me
But when sun comes up I assume the role she assigned to me
Even though I don’t know what that is even after all these years
Hoping one day she will stop from her race to some perfect world
And see me as I see her everyday
I keep hoping that one day she will be mine as I am hers
And one day she will give herself to me as I gave myself to her
One day I will be the one to hold her in my arms and not in my dreams
One day I will touch her face as I make her smile
She will be mine all body and soul
And I know she will be all I will need till the end of time
I had stopped the time so I can be with her
I am still at the same place I was so many years ago with her
She keeps running and running
And I am still standing waiting for her to come to me.
I ask myself what is more beautiful than her
Or the idea of having her
Is it love that I am craving for?
Or it is just the idea of love that I want to have
Maybe I will only find it out when I will have her
Until then I will wait and be whatever she wants me to be
She says she is gold hearted
But to me, over the years I have seen her every aspect
That I want to tell her that she is more than that
I have seen her warmth and I have seen her arctic antique
How she keeps people at arms-length
How she doesn’t want to be known but yet thrive at the feeling of it
She thinks no one gets her but I know she is an open book
I can read her every emotions, every thought that goes through her brain
It’s on her face
Over the time I realised that I lost myself
I was so invested in her that I don’t know what I want for myself
I left myself at that highway where she told me she doesn’t want to end things between us.
Things stopped for me from that moment……….