I didn’t know that I will do it to this extent. I certainly couldn’t believe what I saw. I had no idea what to do with it and so, I am sharing it with you guys and girls of ‘Tinder’ age. It was that midnight when I completed a year but was unable to celebrate the anniversary, it was a 365-day completion of my Tinder installation and I have not been able to find a single date.
Adding salt to my misery, the roommate told me, “Bhai, you owe me 300 something bucks. You subscribed for some shit and all.”
Yes, I had told my friend that it was a Hotstar subscription and he would always wonder why I would deny sharing my smartphone for an hour or so to watch the GOT episodes. Turned out that day he found out that I purchased a paid version of Tinder and he freaked out.
“Saala, dost to chu**ya banata hein. How many dates did you find in this one month?”
Soon after he realized that I couldn’t find any date from the paid version, there was a 2-minutes silence in our apartment and we decided to make use of that one last day of the paid application.
This is how we did it- The unexpected search of all the ‘Un-dated Guys’ like me, I gave them the name ‘The Unproposed Guys’.
Since we had the paid app, we turned our settings from finding ‘Female’ to finding ‘Male’ and went on to check the entire categories of guy profiles across the country. We changed locations, we changed ages, and we changed settings to get ‘That One Guy’ who will be like us (Funniest, Weirdest and Ugliest). We were wrong.
There weren’t any such profile, there were many. 😀 : D
Guys so becomes a salesman when they showoff. I will start with one of the primary profiles which excited us both to make that night the most memorable and laughable (on others).
- ‘Swipe Right To Know More, Dear.’
Wow, this is the worst and the slowest click bait ever. The guy is so confident that the girl will swipe him right although he had 3 pictures of ‘Shree Ganesh’, ‘Shree Krishna’ and ‘Vishnu’ in his profile. May the lords bless him and his bait!
- ‘Hit me up if you feel so, baby.’
That’s what I wanted to do it. The TED talk taught me to have confidence but I didn’t get the guts to say this in virtual world where only women will read it, only women. After this, I came across many irrelevant phrases that made no sense but were written so dauntlessly that I ‘laughed on my feet’, yea, this kind of phrases.
- ‘I am here for few days only, ladies. Hurry up.’
Where is the loudspeaker we haven’t used since ages, Samrat? He turned it on and I laughed it with the mic in my hand until he turned it off because I felt relieved and relaxed. Yes, I am not the only stupidest guy in the world. Actually, the world is full of it. Hurry up? Seriously? Didn’t I tell you about the sales pitch? Hence, proved.
Within 3 hours that I will remember the most in my life, we had traveled to 15 countries and scrolled almost 500 profiles that were utter bullshit. When I told my friend in excitement, “Drinks on me, tomorrow”, only then I realized that we were already high without alcohol. Man, I haven’t expressed my honest emotions sober. He said, “I am proud of you, Bhavik”. We hugged laughing, for about two seconds, but then we remember that we saw few cool profiles too and we hugged crying.
Moving on.
- ‘90s lover. Let’s meet at your balcony. I will be downstairs. Whatsapp me: 84600342**’
- ‘I am getting married soon but I don’t want my wife to tell me that I didn’t have any girlfriend till date, so let’s date.’
- ‘My mother forced me to register on shaadi.com & my father told me to come here.’
- ‘People are talking about this app. Let’s try it. Who wants to date me first?’
I told Samrat to bring near the mic but he denied. I somehow managed to laugh monstrously enough to wake the neighbors up. This apartment is full of bachelors, so whatever.
- ‘Dheeraj, my name is slow but I am not. Email me @dheeraj.notsoslow@gmail.com’
- ‘Jignesh. Gujju but I don’t like Gathiya, Fafda or Garba. Date me, please, I am cute.’
Man, you should love all those things. Where is your dignity? Be proud of being a Gujju. Before I could buck him up telepathically, Samrat reminded me when I ate egg (being Jain) just to convince a girl (which eventually didn’t work out) that I am not afraid of hens. Hahahahaaha.
- ‘Gayrish. I am gay. My gf doesn’t know it. Need a girl with whom I can share my feelings because guys don’t listen to me anymore.